Are you investing enough in the people who are important to you? Do you experience enough quality time? Quality time is time for yourself, your family, and your friends. It provides energy and can serve as a buffer against stress. With others, you can also share your emotions. “Sharing emotions” is important for releasing internal tension. Bottling up emotions unintentionally keeps our bodies in stress mode (the “fight or flight” response). In addition to time with others, it’s also important to carve out sufficient time for yourself to relax and process things in your life. A good relationship with yourself also means choosing yourself when needed. Saying “no” to others often means saying “yes” to yourself.
The Lifeguard 5: Emotional energy management
According to American psychologist Mira Kirschenbaum, our sense of vitality is determined 70 percent by our emotional energy—alongside physical factors such as good health, regular exercise, and a balanced diet. Emotional energy isn’t so much about how much energy you have, but about the quality of that energy. Can you feel joy and contentment? Are you aware of your emotions, or do you tend to suppress them in the busyness of everyday life?
Five tips for managing your emotional energy:
1: Take regular pit stops and reflect on yourself
Emotional energy management begins with self-reflection. By taking moments throughout your day to pause and ask yourself, “What am I feeling, and what am I thinking right now?” you gain insight into potential negative thought patterns that drain your energy. By observing your thoughts and feelings from a distance, you become less influenced by them. The 4-G model (event, thoughts, feelings, behavior) is a useful tool for this. When something unpleasant happens, it’s not the event itself that determines how you feel; it’s your thoughts that have a significant impact on your emotions. Often, these thoughts are irrational or overly critical, simply out of habit. Can you perhaps formulate a more realistic or helpful thought?
2: Nurture your relationships (including the one with yourself)
3: Train a positive mindset
Positive emotions can be accessed by seeking out what gives you energy. How can you train yourself to do this?
- Make a list of things that energize you. Think of a conversation with a good friend, having a coffee with a colleague, or listening to your favorite music. Schedule these activities in your calendar. If you don’t plan them, you’ll likely forget them amidst the busyness of daily life. Be mindful of how each activity makes you feel. “How does it feel to recharge for a moment?”
- Each evening, reflect on your day. Look back and identify three positive things that happened and for which you’re grateful. Numerous studies show that gratitude is one of the most powerful positive emotions. If you had any influence over something you’re grateful for, give yourself a compliment!
4: Handle intense emotions more effectively
Intense emotions can sometimes be difficult to handle. They often come on suddenly and with such force that it feels like they might overwhelm you. For example, when thinking about a loved one who is seriously ill or experiencing injustice at work. However, it’s important not to suppress emotions. An emotion just wants to be “felt” for a moment. If you give it the attention it needs, its intensity will soon decrease. The following three tips can help with this:
- Keep breathing! If you tense up and stop breathing, the emotion often becomes stronger.
- See if you can “allow” the emotion. The more you resist, the more intense it becomes—like a ball you’re trying to push underwater. Let the emotion be there.
- Then, speak to yourself in a supportive way. For example: “I know this will pass,” “I can handle this,” “It’s okay for me to feel angry, sad, hurt… right now”.
5: Live with attention and intention
Living with attention, also known as mindfulness, means being fully aware of your current experience. Instead of “living in your head” with thoughts about the past or future, by regularly directing your attention to what you are experiencing in the moment (what you hear, see, etc.), you learn to distance yourself from the thoughts spinning in your head. You can truly be present for your children, partner, or clients. This, by definition, makes you happier than “living in your head.” Try not to fill every free moment with your smartphone, news, or social media. This can be addictive and detrimental to your inner peace. “Stimulus-free relaxation” helps you be more present in the current moment.
Sources
– Kirschenbaum , M. – Increase Your Emotional Energy, 2009, Archipel
– Schurink, G. – A Practical Training in Handling Feelings and Habits, 2009, Thema
– https://www.centrumvoormindfulness.nl/
– https://www.mentaalvitaal.nl/
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